Back to Basics

I swear - I learn something new everyday.

I just finished reading "Women, Food & God" by Geneen Roth. What an amazing book. The first half was sort of iffy for me but the last half has really caused me to do some major self-analysis. She describes two different types of "eaters" or personalities, one is more restrictive and focuses on deprivation, while the other is more spontaneous, hates saying "no" and eats with abandon. I recognize myself in the latter. Although it's funny because I have also come to realize that I definitely try to control others, but not myself. I advise, counsel, reprimand and instruct certain people in my life and at once can recognize who will and who will not allow me to do so. I will gladly tell you exactly what you should do and I'll even hold you to it, but when it comes to doing the same for me, I have a really tough time.

Geneen also touches upon the inner-critic, "The Voice" as she calls it. My critic is so strong. She describes the point at which we as children and toddlers realize that we have no control over our surroundings and therefore create these coping mechanisms and inner-parents to soothe, protect, defend and nurture ourselves. Instead of exercising self-discpline and changing my surroundings from the inside out, I join in the chaos, adapt and go with the flow. For me, chaos can be a natural state. I expect things to be tough, am not fazed by discord and weather any storm with supposed grace. Underneath it all - I'm struggling. This carpe-diem, lust for life streak in me is really just my indulgent coping mechanism and ultimately, what I really crave is security, consistency and some self-restraint.

Whew! How's that for emotional exhibitionism?

I highly recommend Geneen's book and I'm happy to report that I've already begun putting what I've learned into practice.

I have a list of things I'd like to try to do on a daily basis - here are a few:
1. Meditate for 30 mins
2. Read nightly for 30 mins
3. Make a nightly gratitude list
4. Get 45-60 mins of exercise; 4-5 days per week

I think I can do it. My brother and his fiancee will be getting married end of September and I'm a bridesmaid so I would love to lose another 15-20 lbs before then. But that's just a number, what matters most is how I feel in my skin!

I'll be kind to myself no matter what.