I crave simplicity. I need laser like focus and steel trap dedication. Funny enough, these are traits I've always needed and wanted. The weight is coming off SLOWLY - like one pound a week and I'm working out like a damn masochist. I think I'm working some shit out. Maybe I've reached the point in my weight loss where the emotional crap is surfacing and I'm finally being forced to deal and heal before I can continue on. Who knows?
I'm feeling grateful in the weight loss department. My latest update is 62 lbs. down, 27 inches lost since January, down 4 dress sizes since my heaviest weight and my bubbies are finally shrinking!!! I never thought that would happen.
My cardio and weight training performances are reaching new levels. I am certain that I haven't been this "in shape" since my swimming days of high school. I recently reached a whole new level in my running and my legs feel like fucking powerhouses. I like this.
Back to the emotional tornado that is my life right now ....... I was accused of being an emotional exhibitionist by a friend recently. I suppose he's right. Funny thing is, I keep a lot inside. There's so much I don't say or express. I only share what I am certain others can relate to. If I determine that my thoughts are strange or unique, they stay with me. But most of the time I struggle with topics like mortality, insecurity and my desperate need to make sense of it all. I'm hoping that anyone taking the time to read this blog will understand that I'm just hoping someone out there can relate. Maybe you'll leave a comment or read something that will leave both of us feeling slightly less alone.
I've always found comfort in knowing that whatever mini-crisis I struggled with, was already processed and solved by someone before me. And frankly, I'd like to get all these nutso feelings down so that one day, when things are much calmer and I've grown more familiar and confident with who I am, I can look back and take pride in all the hard work it took to get there.
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