Some days are just an epic win.

My journey to where I am now has been a long one. The only thing that was constant was my state of denial.

During high school I was a swimmer in great shape and I had a very athletic build. I was convinced I was as big as a house. And truth be told I've never been a small girl, I've been muscular and lean but always curvy and well ...... I've always had a big rack and a good amount of junk in my trunk.

At 18-years old I moved into my own apartment and made the foolish decision to quit my courses at community college and join the full time workforce. It didn't take long for my sedentary lifestyle and poor food choices to catch up to me. All throughout my twenties the pounds slowly crept on. At 23-years old I gave birth to the Baby Boy and my weight gain hit warp speed. Within his first year of life I gained 50lbs and even then, my denial kept me in the dark and enabled me to continue to gain.

About 4 years ago I realized that I was morbidly obese and that my chances of living to a normal life expectancy were slim.

Each day became a battle between two forces in my head. One side said, "You're not that big, you can lose it anytime you want to!" and the other side said, "you are disgustingly overweight and no one could love you at this size." It also didn't help that for most of my life, I surrounded myself with people who only reinforced the ugly ideas running around in my head and heart. Day to day, my mood was totally dependant on whichever side was loudest. This constant tug-of-war kept me motionless and disabled.

That was 55 lbs. and what feels like an entire lifetime ago. I am a very different person now, but I still have a long way to go.

A trainer once told me that he admired my determination and that he was confident I’d never give in. And he was right. Some days I win and some days I break even, but I’ll never give up.

Denial still rears its ugly head. Like this morning - I got up at 7am and selected the outfit I wanted to wear, laid it out on my bed and went about my morning. When I grabbed my light brown trousers it didn’t dawn on me that it had been a while since I had last worn them. I quickly pulled them up and just about fell over when I realized that they were way too big to wear. And I'm not talking about unflattering ……. I'm talking fall-to-the-floor massive.

I could not believe it. I was shocked that I ever fit into those pants and that at one time they were actually TIGHT. I turned around and tried to find another pair of pants until I realized that every single pair I owned were too big.

After work I hustled over to Macy's and had a little shopping spree. I bought dresses, skirts and pants and all items were from the 2nd floor women's department. No more plus sizes.

I felt like a winner.